a personal God

O Lord, You have searched me and known me. 


You know my sitting down and my rising up; 
You understand my thoughts from afar off. 
You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways.


For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.



~Psalm 139:1-4


I don't know how many times I had read this psalm before I suddenly realised for the first time the full impact of verse 4. 

'For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.'

I talk. Alot. Not always wittily or wisely or well. Funnily enough, most of the time this isn't because I always have something to say, but rather the opposite. Often, desperate to keep a conversation going, or put a shy someone at ease, I blurt out whatever comes to my mind. Random statements, lame jokes, far-fetched anecdotes and other nonsense--even though they usually *work*, they're definitely nothing I want people to remember me for saying, or am proud of saying. Definitely not gravestone-epitaph material. If anyone were to remind me of something I'd said in those situations, I'd be cringing with embarrassment. 

And God knows every single lame, nonsensical, foolish, or aimless word I utter--'altogether'. 

'Altogether'--my motives for saying them, the response I hope to elicit, why they even came into my head in the first place--everything, things I could never know myself about the words I say. 

Realising that was overwhelming. God knows me well--to this depth of well--a depth not humanly possible, and not fully comprehensible even. 

And I felt shame for the millions of foolish and empty words I had said; but mostly awe. Awe that my God loves me this much, knows me this well. Not knowing just the happy, pleasant parts of me, or the painful, ugly parts of me; but even the silly, careless parts that aren't even worth knowing. 

He is a deeply, intensely personal God. He is deeply interested in me, down to the tiniest, most insignificant detail--in the way we all long for someone to know us, love us, be interested in us. (Don't we all find it at least a little flattering when we notice someone has been stalking our Facebook account and liking/commenting on everything we've said or done?;) 

He is deeply interested, not just in my soul and my spiritual life--which is how we sometimes make the mistake of thinking, as if God isn't interested or involved in all of our lives--but in my joys, sorrows, delights, loves, tears, failures. Because they are the story He has written for me. 

As a young aspiring writer, I used to dream of seeing one of my books or scripts made into a movie, and how fascinated I would be to see my character 'incarnated', come to life on screen with all the small details and characteristics I had created him/her with. No one, not the protagonist's love interest, parents, or friends, could be as deeply fascinated and interested as I was in him/her. 

This is just a shadow of the interest God feels towards each one of us, His creatures. Something we can never experience in our human (and flawed/limited) relationships. 

Thank You for being such personal God. It is such an honour and gift to be created, known, and loved by You to this amazing, overwhelmingly personal degree. No other relationship we could have can even come close to the one You have with us. 

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