I am a very emotional person. Feelings are something that keeps recurring in my thoughts and words, more than I realize, more than I like to admit. It doesn't feel right to me. I feel depressed. You made me feel so loved. I'm on cloud nine. I just feel so discouraged. I'm especially aware of this when I go through what I call 'bruised-reed moods'--can't pinpoint a concrete reason for feeling so discouraged and feeble; maybe it was an accumulation of little things, but whatever it was, it made me feel weak, crushed, emotionally frail and helpless. Often my feelings are in direct conflict with God--the main thing making it so hard. I feel like You're not there, You're not hearing me, You don't care about me. This makes me feel so good, I can't give it up! I feel like I've burnt out trying, doing, giving; I can't anymore, Lord. I know I should find my peace and joy and satisfaction in You, but I don't feel like I do. I know You love me but I'm not feeling it. I know I should trust You but I just feel so afraid and worried about what's happened, what's going to happen. But hey. Feelings aren't bad. Remember that relatively rare bliss you felt when something in your devotional reading speaks to you like a megaphone--when you've prayed with your heart bleeding in your tears, and looked up with peace given to you--when you can feel His love for you, as tangibly as if He was a physically present Friend giving you a hug--? What if our feelings glorified God? What if my feelings were an additional motivation to me in loving Him better, serving Him better, witnessing for Him better, instead of being the opposite force? Our emotions mustn't become our god. They were meant for us to worship our Creator with; to enhance our understanding of Him, relationship with Him, and love of Him.
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